"I was at the tail end of overcoming rejection with real heart felt and some imagined rejection by those in my church as in reality I was treated like the woman at the well (John 4:7-30). And to add I wanted to be in teaching ministry before my appointed time so my mind was fragile. With feelings of bonds of isolation out of a rejection based wounding and feeling friendlessness, loneliness, bitterness, anger, disappointment and especially towards God for so many things and the Church I could stretch out my heart no more.
Not only this but I was full of resentment for being a ‘bound’ mother a ‘bound’ paid house cleaner to school hours that had to pick up dog poo and this just overcame me to despondency and despair that I could not and did not want to function to rationale anything anymore.
In this time ‘of darkness’ I allowed myself to yield to temptations of demonic activity by listening to their suggestions about a particular woman who I cleaned for. I might add they were rather relentless in their attacks.
I was still believing a lie, an un-renewed mindset that she was the ‘type’ of woman classy and sexy that would be a stumbling block if I ever allowed myself to go into that strain of thought so I diligently avoided it until my ‘hour’ of despondency.
I now see that mindset is still part of the deception of demons to maintain the mindset in a homosexual ‘savour’ and viewpoint, not in the renewed mindset or a heterosexual mindset and a new creature in Christ mindset or being that was what I was and no longer am (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10:7).
To make mention it all began after I entered into warfare prayer out of biblical authority. Not under the directive of The Holy Spirit’s will, but my own will and this thought - “I’ll anoint the shower recess.” I went forth and anointed and prayed in The Spirit’s heavenly language. She had felt harassed in the mind and come to the point of a shower radio. I did not make sure in The Holy Spirit if I should pray or anoint the on suite; I just went right ahead on the thought then anointed and into His language.
I knew about the consequences of attack when you come against demons in your own steam and had experienced many attacks in my learning days because of fleshly and cursing warfare other than Spirit warfare. But I thought I was safe here and thought it was His thought to anoint the shower recess! I now recall warfare never went any further than tongues, and there was resistance from Him to speak in English. I have since repented and it is necessary to repent for fleshly warfare and speaking in distain and contempt to demons (2 Peter 2:9-11; Jude 6-9) it gives them ground to counter attack.
For ten years I resisted and cast down all homosexual thoughts knowing I could not go there, my sexual appetite had to go to sleep – ‘sleeping beauty had to stay asleep’ but this time life just ‘sucked’ so off in my thoughts I went with devils and enjoyed the thoughts.
I had no idea it would last so long and be such a struggle and strain and battle to get out it. I have also seen just denying the past does not heal the inner woman also I never approached the woman I cleaned for with a renewed mind of I’m no longer a homosexual but I am a heterosexual on a complete pathway of healing. I was once an alcoholic and a daily pot smoker but I had not identified with these labels for years but what the Word speaks, and I never applied this truth to the label of a lesbian.
This is the major reason why I have written this book for teaching and counsel to help myself out of the demonic net that I have allowed myself to be caught in (July 2006). I have only allowed it to be in my head, it was never a condition I let get married to the heart and I knew in my heart I did not even sexually want or desire to have sex with this woman. I saw it as if I was listening to someone read me a story and I’m listening and delighting it the tale told and the responses it gave my body and soul and senses, I enjoyed the fantasy don't know how I did it but I did not go into any self gratification!
Little did I know these repetitive thoughts from the enemy built up control and a pattern that sets off behaviour making me dysfunctional and feeling guilty. Left much longer and all they will have to do is suggest a thought, not a running commentary and it will trigger their built up mindsets and off will go my own flesh into thoughts. I unknowingly allowed a stronghold to capture my mind and my ability to think freely and be in reality. Any stronghold has a life of its own but like natural life all strongholds will die.
Habits, patterns, thoughts can change and be renewed, removed and refined. Jesus can resurrect me back into a new way of life and into the life I was born to be as a heterosexual. Repentance is a powerful weapon for spirits losing ground. Then the flesh has to come into submission to holiness and Christianity as a way of life. Replacing the stronghold of thoughts with Biblical truth I will gain strength and trust and counsel and newness and cleansing from the Word.
I have deeply repented of every known sin; even covered again, sexual sins of the ancestors in case of any hidden demons were remaining so as to cleanse me from any nest of lust demons.
Where there are still demons connected and related to this nest due to being lodged deep in the old ‘homosexual / fragmented personality’ or from the off shoots to other transgressions around this lifestyle I’ll trust in The Lords restoration and grace and discernment of spirits.
For some examples of fruit(s) of the root and or the power base of homosexuality are: masculinity- role reversal, considering self to be equal to a man, doing motor bike mechanics, building in renovation, owning and using numerous power tools, feminism, self survival, independence, not wearing dresses, hatred of men’s sin against women, anger and unforgiveness against male race in general, refusal to come into divine order of heterosexuality, agreement with the transgression of a preference to a homosexual lifestyle than a heterosexual lifestyle. I still have fragments dislodging out of my heart (2006), but most others are no longer my bondages. But once were some of the sins that empowered homosexuality and its strongman in my life.
These sins empower the stronghold for demons to traffic and manifest and keep me in bondage to homosexuality, out of divine order of the natural role/place of a female. I’ve screamed at Him, The Father that is, in contempt every time my anger at men came up and my anger about the firstborn/men and a Patriarchal system. He is sorting out my heart and errors in a book I am writing “To A Thousand Generations of Women” which I was called to write from the womb of my mother and the truth is setting me free.
There may also be spirits from the causations and any fruit from sex addiction and other drug addictions in the fabric of my personality? I’ll trust in Jesus for continued restoration and deliverance and to keep these from operating against me with bringing back temptations of lust and the delusion of preference of that lifestyle.
Anyway, for those demons that operate directly around fantasy and lust I know once having overcome them for ten years. I can overcome them again and then keep a guard over my heart to not let them in again. So I will continue seeking change, restoration, renewal, sanctification and healing of memories or whatever else is needed for complete wholeness in this area.
I am not going to deceive myself in thinking I can stay cleaning for this woman (August 2006) as I work for her four times a week and her daughter once a week, it will make the battle for me to long. And above all I need a change out of this repetitive boredom and her home environment. My right eye has made me stumble, so I have to tear it out. By stopping cleaning for her household this for me is to tear out my right eye (Matthew 5:29).
I am not really that concerned about her and her husbands demons in the air as He is able to mightily contend against those who contend against me and able to fight those who fight against me (Psalm 35:1-8) and so I will abide under the shadow of His wing (Psalm 91).
Therefore, I can get on with my day knowing I have prayed in His warfare, no matter what I hear, He is fighting the battle and the battle belongs to Him the Lord, not me. I’ll just cast down those imaginations and move on my thoughts elsewhere and soon they will die off completely, until then I will stand steadfast in the strength of The Lord(1 Peter 5:9)and not be ensnared again in a yoke of bondage (Galatians 5:1).
Most of all I see I am unhappy about my current perceptions of life in general and my mind is bored and I need to be real and find something to fill it other than listening to demonic lustful fantasy. My writings can occupy my mind and my relationship with God in three persons. Although I need balance being body soul and spirit, I will need to feed myself here to avoid a void again.
Not only do I need to address this stronghold from a lust perspective but from all the other angles that precipitated the stronghold. I need to address the pain within the pains that precipitated me to yield to the lust to yield to listen to the demons scenarios of fantasy.
I had to first repent for my original warfaring in the flesh as a partial reason for their on sets of such a strategy as I attacked a tormenting lust stronghold over her life. In any demonic work against us, we always have to consider is this His permissive will for it to happen other than we may well of brought it upon ourselves. Sometimes He wants to get from the fruit to the root and bring forth a new or another stage of healing so out come the demons to wage warfare against us.
I also needed to address myself being empty in the mind at the best of times; being bored; my disappointments and the false comfort of depression; unforgiveness; bitterness; not walking out of a renewed mind or walking in His counsel and my writings. My loneliness and despair because I was a house cleaner who picked up dog poop, a bound mother who could only work in school hours with j u s t enough money and who was shunned by the church at large for my past brokenness.
I had to realize the stronghold of isolation/separation with the excuse I have a call to write books and people reject me and seldom do I get asked to go here or there or am I asked out or with the inner circles. I had to realize isolation has become a way of escape due to perceived and real rejection from others in the Church.
This has been a major pain of the heart that caused me to go off in the pleasure of fantasy. For too long I have been battling the roller coaster of feelings from being shunned, or avoided or not hugged because I was once homosexual. I am on a pathway of healing from rejection’s sting, from before being in the Church and then I’d come so far and bang, I’m a heap of emotions again “wrecked by rejection”. But again the fog is rapidly moving and I am seeing once again blue sky and realizing I am in the process of knowledge crossing over from my head to my heart.
I also had to address my warped view of feeling powerless over God and His ways and requirements. No longer able to be independent and self sufficient, no longer in control of my life - I could not just over spend, watch M 15+ rated movies as He willed for me to watch PG and G Movies only. No longer did He want me to watch CSI or other TV crime shows. I thought all this change to step into a high call and all I could watch was Christian TV, Christian TV and more Christian TV – God this, God that, religion here and religion there – well what about pleasure for my soul God, I get none?
The mind swaying in and out of, it’s so painful to embrace a surrendered life of walking in The Spirit on the highway of holiness with loss of ‘my rights’ and no pleasure for my soul. It’s always God this God that, religion here, religion there, no love of the world anymore, no lusts for my flesh, no more me just You God. I don’t see this life as joyous dedication; I don’t see Christianity as a wonderful life of worship, but a prison I’m in chains to righteousness! I must add these thoughts are distorted by demons and the flesh’s forgetting how blessed it is to walk under the anointing than under the power of the flesh and demonic activity.
I have just started now in the strength of The Lord to bring down this stronghold of lusting thoughts. The following is what I am praying daily in purity of warfare and or by the breath of The Holy Spirit out of my mouth against the onsets of demons that will to want to keep this stronghold alive.
I pray first in my heart requesting a and or this strategy and ask for the anointing of warfare and a Spirit of purity of warfare (Matthew 12:28), so He does the speaking out of my mouth. I yield myself as if I’m going to pray in tongues only He prays in my language of English to warfare to speak forth the following:
In the power and authority of the name of Jesus I pull down the stronghold of homosexuality. I bind the strongmen in and over your daughter and in the heavenlies and in the name of Jesus I command every link in their chains of command be broken so they cannot link up with one another and empower one another.
Father I command warfare against these spirits, I command they be consumed with might and brought down with might perpetually.
Father I command all works of darkness be returned to their senders perpetually. I command against all spirits sent that they are returned to their senders and if they are sent again they are to be gathered and taken to their place appointed of them.
Father in the power and authority of the name of Jesus, let this warfare be operative until warfare is prayed again tomorrow and I loose your warring angels to carry out these commands.
Amen and amen.
The fruit of a demonic stronghold are the various specific sins. These give the demons a power base to be operative and keep us in bondage. Keep us out of divine order and out of ‘the natural’ ordained function role of a woman and or man when we are committing unnatural sexual perversion.
I realize I now have to no longer identify in my mind as being a vulnerable ‘ex-homosexual’ but what the Word speaks to say I am. I also have to go back and embrace a surrendered life again, dependant on Christ Jesus as my Helper and Lord and Companion who can change my heart and my circumstances.
I have to embrace a crucified life again and this will put to death and reveal this power base of sin that mothers the stronghold that wills to maintain this stronghold. By decision I am to no longer be engaging in its lustful fruit and or temptations, no longer letting that way of thoughts have dominion, taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus. No longer watching any movie that have any homosexual overtones or any hint of lesbianism or fornications.
I walk away from it, making my mind up to not allow my mind to go that way again. Just as I gave up smoking, I walked away from it with a conscious decision to never pick up a smoke again.
Strongholds are breeding grounds for the carnal nature and demons. Sinful flesh structures around demons are around then under a stronghold we are forced to walk in the flesh because of the barrage of the spirits, their powers, and our agreement with our flesh, therefore, coming under the condemnation of the law (Galatians 5:18).
Living a crucified life not yielding to these works and dependence on Jesus not myself to not yield will break the hold of this fantasy sin in my flesh. This will enable me not to be overcome by this stronghold again and or to be ensnared again in a yoke of bondage (Galatians 5:1) of lustful thoughts.
I will then again be going back to birthing more and more into a lifestyle of walking and living in The Spirit. I will be once again dependant on Jesus provision and power and being once again in submission to His commandment of not yielding my body as an instrument of unrighteousness (Romans 6:6-16). This will bring me back under a spiritual covering of protection (Psalm 91) and authority in the Spirit to resist in His strength at any onset of temptation or to have perpetual warfare against any attacks so I can just stand and get on with my day serving Him and receiving covenant provision and protection.
Be blessed and be a blessing
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Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba - Releasing Hearts